It's time for the second installment of the Toxic Friends series. Do you have any of these sketchy pals?
The Critic: Having an open, honest friendship is important. When shopping, it's great to have a friend who lets you know if that little dress is unflattering or if a certain pair of pants makes your butt look big. And exchanging make-up and hair ideas is part of the deal, too. But some friends can be too critical. If your clothes are never fashionable enough, if your make-up is never flawless enough, if your hair is never cute enough, and if anything you do is never good enough this friend may be a chronic critic. This judgmental trait is usually an integrated part of your friend's personality and probably has more to do with her displeasure with herself than any real displeasure with you. Still, constant criticism from someone who is supposed to be one of your biggest fans can deal huge blows to your self-esteem.
How to Deal: If you feel the friendship is worth saying, let your friend know how her criticism makes you feel. Use phrases such as, "When you criticize (such-and-such), I feel bad about myself." Maybe she doesn't understand or realize how hurtful her judgments are toward you. If that doesn't lead to any changes, give her a taste of her own medicine. Criticize something about her so that she knows what it feels like. She might suddenly understand how what she says has been hurting you. Or, she might get defensive and break off your friendship herself simply because she doesn't want to put up with criticism herself.
The Betrayer: Also known as "The Backstabber," this friend can cause serious damage to your happiness, emotions, and confidence. She might gossip about you, talk about you behind your back, or ditch you for another friend in a heartbeat. She may also break promises (both big and small) that she makes to you. She seems to have little care for your feelings and handles your friendship haphazardly. It often leaves you wondering who can trust if you can't even trust your own friend.
How to Deal: This friend might have trust issues herself as a result of being betrayed or backstabbed by someone important in her life. You have to weigh in on the value of your own friendships, but betrayers are some of the most destructive individuals to be around. Not only is she hurting you, but she's also hurting others in her life. Do you really want to be a part of that? And a victim of that? The best solution is probably to walk away quietly. Confronting this type of friend or accusing them of their betrayals can be iffy. Depending on her temperament, she may shrug and care less if the friendship ends. Or, she may unleash her fury upon you and further target you as a victim--spreading vicious rumors, for example.
The Cheat: It's one of the unwritten laws of girls that you don't steal each other's boyfriends. The Cheat is a friend who goes after your boyfriend behind your back. This can play out in a number of ways. She may attempt to seduce your man: he either rejects her or cheats on you with her. A friend who goes after your guy is a cheat. Or if you're dating a jerk who attempts to go after one of your friends, a friend who gives into your guy is a cheat, too. This is not acceptable in a friendship--and being drunk is no excuse for it.
How to Deal: If this is a highly valued friendship and you have it in your heart to forgive her, then do so at your own risk. If she's into being the "other woman," she will probably go on to do again in the future. Also, don't forget that she's not the only one at fault here. Unless your guy was faithful and rejected your friend's advances, he's in trouble, too. Being cheated on is unacceptable. You deserve better and will find better. So if he cheated on you at all, kick him to the curb. You know that saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater"?...Well, in almost all cases it is true. So get rid of him. And highly consider getting rid of her, too.
The Moocher: It's one thing to go out to lunch with a friend and cover her meal because she's short of money. She'll pay you back or buy yours next time. However, it's a whole different story if you have a friend that is constantly borrowing money and constantly forgetting to pay you back. Even the little amounts add up eventually.
How to Deal: There's no need to dump this friend right away. Don't forget to weigh in the situation. If you're the one asking her out to eat even though she doesn't have a job or steady income, maybe you should consider inviting her to something more inexpensive and low-key: eating dinner and watching movies at each other's houses. With this economy, a lot of people are short on money and you don't want to insult her. She may be worried that if she doesn't go out and do these things that require money, you may not want to be her friend anymore. Or maybe she thinks you're always up to pay for her. But if she does have a job and is doing some of the inviting out, she shouldn't be asking for your moolah all of the time. Remind her of what she owes you. If you cower and don't ask, she'll think you forgot. She will probably forget, too, or at least pretend, too. So just remind her. She may have really forgotten and will feel totally embarrassed and pay you back right away. Or she may continue to forget to. If that's the case, you have a couple of choices. Either start bringing along only enough money for yourself, boldly tell her that you're done paying for her because she still owes you, or stop hanging out with her all together.
Stay tuned for more toxic friends!
Amore.
Source: loveknowsnoage.blogspot.com
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